its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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