I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
