I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
