Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
