this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
