i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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