The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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