I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
