No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
