How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Farmville is her only friend.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
