I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
