He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
