I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
