the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
