the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
