I could have mohawked her pubes.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
