Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
