Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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