So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
