Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
