found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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