UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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