The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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