I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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