So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
