Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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