it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
