oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
