I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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