Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
