Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
