Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
