hotel room ftw
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
