so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
