i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
