I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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