Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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