when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
