Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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