I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
