i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize