Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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