i barfeds in our rink
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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