I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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