yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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