i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
