You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
