that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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