I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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