Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
