i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
