well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
