Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
