I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I believe in your delicious
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
