Say something about gay babies.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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