this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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