I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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