I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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