idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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