dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
