apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
