is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
